Facebook Part II: The UNfriending Phenomenon

Lately I've come across a few people affected by the Facebook/Myspace phenomenon called "UNfriending". Basically, on these sites you have your personal page that you can use to communicate your interests, activities, and lifestyle. You can also load photos and "personalize" your page with fun quotes, glitter graphics, videos, and website links. Recently, I sent my sister a link to this: Spider you are my hero.

On Facebook and Myspace you also have a list of friends. You can freely add as many friends as you like to your friend list (as long as they, too have a Facebook/Myspace account - of course.). You can also freely remove friends from your list should you so choose to. However, this is the modern day equivalent of being publicly out casted on the elementary school playground. I speak from experience....It's like living that day over again when you just couldn't overcome your fear of heights and climb to the top of the slide during recess. It was an ominous looking slide that seemed to touch the sky at it's highest point. The slide that everyone was required to - via secret society - cycle through at least once if they wanted to be part of the Cool Kids Kindergarten Crowd (CKKC Inc).

I remember so badly wanting to be like the other kids, so I climbed to the top of the ladder, realized how high up I was, (my childhood was full of phobias) and promptly decided to gingerly lower myself back down to the bottom. There is also an accepted form of tailgating on the slide ladder. For example, once you have climbed to the top and are ready to "weeeee" it all the way to the bottom, you have a line of 5 or 6 kids already hooked on various points of the ladder eagerly awaiting their turn at the top. So, my change of mind required that approx. 6 other kids climb off the ladder so I could escape the Steel Hell Trap and get out of line.

I could hear the giggles, whispering, and teasing begin before I had even placed my foot on the last step.

But in the end, I just couldn't do it. All the other kids made fun of me and called me a "dumb scardy cat" because I was afraid of the slide. In my defense, this thing was HIGH. And stainless steel. And in the sun. I'm sorry but I still don't find it desirable to slide down something 35ft in the air burning my hamstrings along the way. That screeching squeaking sound of bare thigh skin on hot steel slide surface still makes me sweat with fear. Despite the taunting, I preferred to sit in my solitude and swing peacefully back and forth on the swing set.... Much safer that way. I was the risk analyst of 5-year-olds.

Although it was kind of sad watching from a distance 25 kids taking turns going up and down the Slide of Death, I was happier on the swings. I wanted to be cool enough for the Slide of Death too, but I just wasn't. I don't think the frilly dresses that matched my socks that matched my hair bows that co-ordinated to the colorful foods packed in my co-ordinated lunch bag was any aid in making me popular. Something tells me this only hindered it. I spent the rest of recess swinging away next to John, the Glue Eating King.

And so it began....a long list of bad male relationships.


Back to Facebook....


This thing called "UNfriending" is the modern day equivalent of saying "YOU are a poo poo head!! I don't like YOU anymore and YOU can't play with us!" which leaves you no choice but to gather your belongings and return home - alone - to hang out with mom while she makes Saturday Night Tuna Casserole while singing along to Lawrence Welk.

I have to admit, UNfriending can really sneak up on you and slap you silly. There I sat, clicking away on various links and pictures, catching up on the latest vacation photos of friends and loved ones, when I realized it: My friend list numerical tally had dropped by 1. I had gone from 25 friends to 24 friends since my previous log in. I immediately started scrolling through my friend list trying to determine who had Dirty Deleted me. Once I had figured out who was missing (because once you are added as a friend you have a contractual obligation to stay on my list forever...duh) I started obsessing over what would cause this person to not want to be my Myspace friend. I felt alone, betrayed, hurt, and most of all: UNpopular. This was like showing up to the Junior Winter Ball in THIS only to quickly realize that you are the ONLY ONE who is wearing red (sequins!!!!) to the winter ball. At least my mom didn't talk me into wearing this one. Oy!

I decided to take the mature approach and confront the UNfriender person face-to-face. I was met with complete shock (I guess no one thinks you will take the mature approach to appropriate communication) and a blank stare. After some uncomfortable silence, the UNfriender said "Uh....derrrrr....I had heard you said something bad about me."

Oh ok! So that means listen to what someone else says, Dirty Delete me, and then gallop off into silence while I'm left with the virtual Slap In Your Face. Niiiiiiice. This makes up for me being homeschooled throughout junior high.

The most outrageous UNfriending recently happened to my brother-in-law. Remember Mr. Auto? Well, after some not-so-pleasant exchanges back and forth between Mr Auto and his own sister, a serious family debate started over her klassy cheating and abusive boyfriend. Mr. Auto was just looking out for his sister and trying to encourage her in developing enough strength to leave an abusive and dysfunctional relationship. A few days later, Mr. Auto's sister Dirty Deleted him from her friend list. Yup, his own flesh and blood tossed him out on the streets of Facebook. She banned her brother from her friend list....so I guess if she can't UNfamily him she figures UNfriending is a close second? I can only imagine her as she angrily clicked through her log on and password prompts, only to furiously click through her settings menu and then finally click click click away as she managed her friend list. The clock struck midnight as she Dirty Deleted her own brother.

I wish there was some sort of Internet badge of honor that said "I was DELETED by my sister, and I lived to tell about it!"

Maybe I'll make a flair button for that.

Delete Victims Unite!