Weekend Randomness

I have a shameful interest in all things celebrity. I'll admit I was all over perezhilton.com when Britney was in her rock bottom state. If you have no idea what I am talking about then bless you. You have a more interesting life than me. I watched every episode of the Bachelor and cheered Melissa on when she called him a bas*ard. Seriously, was he NOT the most emotional man you've ever seen?

With the exception of my ex who cried when I told him I needed room to breathe. You would have thought I had just told him they discontinued Girl Scout Samoas.

I was also all over the gossip sites when Jessica Simpson wore those pants that should be removed from every supplier and burned to a crisp. Again, if you have no idea what I am talking about, bless you. You have a more interesting life than me. But for visual aid these are the jeans I am talking about:

Now I think it's completely ridiculous that the media called her fat. She's obviously not fat, she just fell victim to some bad denim. Or maybe a few Samoas. It happens to the best of us. And those pockets aren't doing anything for her.

She opened up for Rascall Flatts here in Phoenix last week. I thought she looked pretty small:

I'm rocking the sweet photography skills as usual. Is that a fingerprint on the right side? Anyway, all this to say if the media calls THAT fat, what would they say about me? I'd be on People magazine each week looking bloated and dense. Reaching maximum density would be the cover headline. Jessica, can I borrow those jeans?

We have been trying to eat more and home and less at restaurants so I've been experimenting a lot with some new recipes lately. Last week, I made Broiled Tilapia Parmesan. It was awesome and has become a fast favorite here at my house.

Recipe:

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon celery salt
2 pounds tilapia fillets

Preheat your oven's broiler. Grease a broiling pan or line pan with aluminum foil.
In a small bowl, mix together the Parmesan cheese, butter, mayonnaise and lemon juice. Season with dried basil, pepper, onion powder and celery salt. Mix well and set aside.
Arrange fillets in a single layer - Bottom side of the fish facing up - on the prepared pan. Broil a few inches from the heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Flip the fillets over - right side up- and broil for a couple more minutes. Remove the fillets from the oven and cover them with the Parmesan cheese mixture on the top side. Broil for 2 more minutes or until the topping is browned and fish flakes easily with a fork. Be careful not to over cook the fish.

I paired it with garlic mashed potatoes because I'm on the Ineedcelluite diet. A nice salad and maybe some green beans would be a healthier alternative. We are allergic to salad in my house.

For your viewing pleasure:

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

The Spider and the Doorway

If you've read my previous posts on this blog you are aware that I have phobias. I am afraid of heights, spiders, public speaking, spiders, scorpions, spiders....you get the idea. Adam and I built our first house and moved in early Spring of 2008. After months of finding crickets, spiders, scorpions (on the porch), more crickets, and a few black widows, I was starting to question my sanity and my reasoning behind loving a guy who just didn't care about the same things I did.

How can you NOT be terrified of a spider? They're icky.

The house is structually sound and very well built. However, we live in the desert and these things just find their way in. Especially when you are married to a guy that never closes doors. Adam once got out of the passenger side of our car and waltzed into Barnes and Nobel, killed a half hour browsing with me, then walked back out to the car to find that he had left the car door open. Not just unlocked, but hanging open.

After finding a black widow by our garage door just chillaxin in the night on her tangled web of fear, I had an emotional breakdown (Hello, phobia! Good to see you again!) that involved me screaming crying (Scrying) about wanting and needing Pest Control services to frequent our house. If it was up to me they'd be circling our casa at all hours of the night blasting away at anything that scurries. Adam didn't seem to care; he told me to stop scrying and get over it. I told him to take a hike. I guess he took me very literally because he quickly left the presence of the Fire Breathing Spider Hater.

While Adam went for a walk to distance himself from the Scrying Wife Girl, I decided I needed to vent and started feverishly texting my sister. But instead of texting my sister I mistakenly texted my rant directly to Adam's phone.

Oops. Sorry hubbs.

After some apologies, and some serious conversations, we realized that he was just concerned about cost. It turned out to be very affordable so we scheduled routine appointments for the pest people to come blast the perimeter to oblivion. Peace for me..and peace for the husband.

Oh! And I realized that I shouldn't mouth off about my sweet hubbs in a text again.

Or at least be really careful about who you send it to.

It's been a blissful few months until we got home tonight after going out for dinner and a concert. As I unlocked the garage door (seriously, what is it about the garage door that attracts these things??) there she was.

Tan. Eight legs. Staring. Dangling from gossamer that glistened in the moonlight.

I think I launched the house keys into the next zip code and threw my hands into the air as I ran screaming into the night. Adam calmly tried to pick the Freak off the door to set her outside.

That's the true definition of someone who wouldn't hurt a flea, huh?

What is wrong with him??! Had I been alone (I shudder at the thought) I would have gotten a bottle of spray and a hammer and obliterated the arachnid until not longer recgonizable. It would have been my own personal CSI:Araneus diadematus.

Unfortunately for me, he dropped her and she promptly scurried into the house. Adam just doesn't move fast enough for me so I barrelled past him, grabbed one of his sneakers that was by the door, and started slamming the spider with my Nike weapon. I think I gave her 23 blows. Death by blunt force trauma.

I want to make this next part very clear: Never - NEVER! - use your own shoe to annihilate a spider. That will only leave you with spider remnants on your shoes, and thats just gross, ladies. However, your husband's shoes are perfectly acceptable. Actually, anything that belongs to your husband is fair game, especially if you have given birth to his child. (We don't have kids yet so I have to stick to shoes only.)

I told him I was going to set his shoes outside since there was spider pate on the sole. He scoffed at the idea while wiping the juice from his shoe. After he settled in for the night, I did this:

The wife always wins. :)

Facebook Part II: The UNfriending Phenomenon

Lately I've come across a few people affected by the Facebook/Myspace phenomenon called "UNfriending". Basically, on these sites you have your personal page that you can use to communicate your interests, activities, and lifestyle. You can also load photos and "personalize" your page with fun quotes, glitter graphics, videos, and website links. Recently, I sent my sister a link to this: Spider you are my hero.

On Facebook and Myspace you also have a list of friends. You can freely add as many friends as you like to your friend list (as long as they, too have a Facebook/Myspace account - of course.). You can also freely remove friends from your list should you so choose to. However, this is the modern day equivalent of being publicly out casted on the elementary school playground. I speak from experience....It's like living that day over again when you just couldn't overcome your fear of heights and climb to the top of the slide during recess. It was an ominous looking slide that seemed to touch the sky at it's highest point. The slide that everyone was required to - via secret society - cycle through at least once if they wanted to be part of the Cool Kids Kindergarten Crowd (CKKC Inc).

I remember so badly wanting to be like the other kids, so I climbed to the top of the ladder, realized how high up I was, (my childhood was full of phobias) and promptly decided to gingerly lower myself back down to the bottom. There is also an accepted form of tailgating on the slide ladder. For example, once you have climbed to the top and are ready to "weeeee" it all the way to the bottom, you have a line of 5 or 6 kids already hooked on various points of the ladder eagerly awaiting their turn at the top. So, my change of mind required that approx. 6 other kids climb off the ladder so I could escape the Steel Hell Trap and get out of line.

I could hear the giggles, whispering, and teasing begin before I had even placed my foot on the last step.

But in the end, I just couldn't do it. All the other kids made fun of me and called me a "dumb scardy cat" because I was afraid of the slide. In my defense, this thing was HIGH. And stainless steel. And in the sun. I'm sorry but I still don't find it desirable to slide down something 35ft in the air burning my hamstrings along the way. That screeching squeaking sound of bare thigh skin on hot steel slide surface still makes me sweat with fear. Despite the taunting, I preferred to sit in my solitude and swing peacefully back and forth on the swing set.... Much safer that way. I was the risk analyst of 5-year-olds.

Although it was kind of sad watching from a distance 25 kids taking turns going up and down the Slide of Death, I was happier on the swings. I wanted to be cool enough for the Slide of Death too, but I just wasn't. I don't think the frilly dresses that matched my socks that matched my hair bows that co-ordinated to the colorful foods packed in my co-ordinated lunch bag was any aid in making me popular. Something tells me this only hindered it. I spent the rest of recess swinging away next to John, the Glue Eating King.

And so it began....a long list of bad male relationships.


Back to Facebook....


This thing called "UNfriending" is the modern day equivalent of saying "YOU are a poo poo head!! I don't like YOU anymore and YOU can't play with us!" which leaves you no choice but to gather your belongings and return home - alone - to hang out with mom while she makes Saturday Night Tuna Casserole while singing along to Lawrence Welk.

I have to admit, UNfriending can really sneak up on you and slap you silly. There I sat, clicking away on various links and pictures, catching up on the latest vacation photos of friends and loved ones, when I realized it: My friend list numerical tally had dropped by 1. I had gone from 25 friends to 24 friends since my previous log in. I immediately started scrolling through my friend list trying to determine who had Dirty Deleted me. Once I had figured out who was missing (because once you are added as a friend you have a contractual obligation to stay on my list forever...duh) I started obsessing over what would cause this person to not want to be my Myspace friend. I felt alone, betrayed, hurt, and most of all: UNpopular. This was like showing up to the Junior Winter Ball in THIS only to quickly realize that you are the ONLY ONE who is wearing red (sequins!!!!) to the winter ball. At least my mom didn't talk me into wearing this one. Oy!

I decided to take the mature approach and confront the UNfriender person face-to-face. I was met with complete shock (I guess no one thinks you will take the mature approach to appropriate communication) and a blank stare. After some uncomfortable silence, the UNfriender said "Uh....derrrrr....I had heard you said something bad about me."

Oh ok! So that means listen to what someone else says, Dirty Delete me, and then gallop off into silence while I'm left with the virtual Slap In Your Face. Niiiiiiice. This makes up for me being homeschooled throughout junior high.

The most outrageous UNfriending recently happened to my brother-in-law. Remember Mr. Auto? Well, after some not-so-pleasant exchanges back and forth between Mr Auto and his own sister, a serious family debate started over her klassy cheating and abusive boyfriend. Mr. Auto was just looking out for his sister and trying to encourage her in developing enough strength to leave an abusive and dysfunctional relationship. A few days later, Mr. Auto's sister Dirty Deleted him from her friend list. Yup, his own flesh and blood tossed him out on the streets of Facebook. She banned her brother from her friend list....so I guess if she can't UNfamily him she figures UNfriending is a close second? I can only imagine her as she angrily clicked through her log on and password prompts, only to furiously click through her settings menu and then finally click click click away as she managed her friend list. The clock struck midnight as she Dirty Deleted her own brother.

I wish there was some sort of Internet badge of honor that said "I was DELETED by my sister, and I lived to tell about it!"

Maybe I'll make a flair button for that.

Delete Victims Unite!

Saving Money by Bargain Shopping

While reading some of my favorite blogs, I noticed that Kelly updated about dressing cute for less, and finding clothing bargains during a recession. I thought this was a good idea and decided to share some of my own ideas here. First of all, I rarely pay full price for my clothes. Occasionally I will splurge on some expensive jeans (think 7 For All Mankind brand, or True Religion brand) but when I last bought them from Macy's, I waited for a store wide sale and brought along a 20% off coupon I had which saved me A LOT. And these jeans last me for YEARS so I find it worth the money. But that's just me. For those that enjoy even more affordable deals, I have found some really good jeans at Old Navy and Target. Again, I always wait for sales/coupons. A few times a month I will go to some of my favorite clothing sites and look at the clearance pages to see if anything has popped up - on clearance! - that I'd really love to add to the wardrobe. For Macy's I will go to http://www.macys.com/ and click on "sale" and then click on "clearance". I recently found a really cute top that looks great with black pants on sale for $16! It was originally $50!

Old Navy has a clearance section on their website too. If you go to http://www.oldnavy.com/ and click on Women and then scroll down on the left you will see "Clearance".

I saw a long sleeved shirt there after Christmas and bought it on sale (It was normally $15, I got it right after the holidays for $10). I love long sleeved shirts like this (Link here) to wear under my scrub tops at work. You can also wear it to run errands on the weekend with a pair of jeans and it even extends into spring with a pair of shorts. So, I went to the oldnavy website and just now found it - the same shirt! - for $2.99!!!!!!!

Now THAT's a bargain!!!!


I really love the clothes at http://www.victoriassecret.com/ but I refuse to pay full price there. The stuff ALWAYS goes on sale and it's easy to find sale items in your size. I had my eye on this top a couple months ago but didn't want to spend $48 on it. I'm so glad I waited because it's on sale for $20!

The right accessories can make ANY outfit more polished looking. Sometimes when I'm in a hurry but still want to look good, I'll pair a simple fitted T from Target (less than $10) with jeans and a scarf. Add some kickin' little boots and you got yourself easy style!

Charlotte Russe has a lot of fashion jewelry for really low prices! And they are ALWAYS offering sales! Forever 21 also has a lot of fashion jewelry for low prices too. The store is really similar to Charlotte, and you can ALWAYS find cute this for reasonable prices.

I have a love for Ugg boots (I know some people think they are ugly) because they are SO comfortable and basically go with any casual outfit during the winter. However, I don't love the Ugg price so after some searching I found a knock off brand at www.zappos.com for half the price of real Uggs. And the cheaper brand are JUST AS COMFY! The brand is Bear Paw.

I'd love to hear other suggestions! Let me know your ideas!

Happy Shopping, and Happy Bargain Hunting!

Facebook

My computer has been officially put to sleep. It was a Dell Latitude from 2001 and had turned into such a piece of junk that I couldn't even access Facebook without it crashing.


Inability to do any online banking? That's fine.

Can't access the website to submit your work schedule? Ok, that can wait until I am AT work.

Can't log into the website needed to check a credit card balance? Eh, that's ok. While the Good ol' Dell was overheating and crashing, I dialed the 800 number on my credit card and did it by phone.

But once Facebook could no longer be accessed without some major difficulties including freezing, I was in the car and on my way to buy a new Laptop faster than you can say "Windows 2000".
$1220 later, I am the proud owner of some miracle piece of technology that can do things I never dreamed of. It's pretty sad, because you can most likely find me at 1am on the internet, with my iPOD and cell phone perched conveniently next to the keyboard. I am the material girl.

Four+ days without Facebook had me cryin' mama, foaming at the mouth, and muttering something about superPoke! and Flair. Adam wasn't sure what to do with me, so he turned on his PS3 and clicked away to Fallout3. Yeah, he didn't care.

Once I could finally log back into my account (at lightening fast speeds by the way - intel Centrino you are my hero) I had something like 14 requests for various time wasters and 2 friend requests. I clicked on the "14 New Requests!" only to be bombarded by such things as "Throw a Water Balloon!" , "ER scavenger hunt!", "Pass a Drink!", and "Lil' Green Patch". These are all highly educational and productive apps. I, for one, didn't know that there is a drink titled "Dirty Mother". Only on the facebook app "Pass a Drink" can these social necessities be learned.

The stuff they don't teach you in school.

The amount of time I spend on facebook is directly proportional to the number of IQ points I lose. I get dumber with each log on. For example: I can spell intelCentrino without any difficulty but I had to google "necessities" to make sure of it's correct spelling. I'm fairly certain my writing will be at 4th grade level within the next few months. But not to worry, I'm sure there is an app for that too. Or at the very least, a flair button to make fun of my inability to form a sentence.

I also love the selective anonymity of facebook. You can send a request to a long lost friend and use it as a platform for reconnection, or you can secretly search for the ex that scorned you right after high school, only to find out that he is still living in his Mamma's basement and is a proud owner of a 2lb Yorkie that he named Honeyfox.

Ahem.

That's hypothetical of course.