She Sparkles

For those of you that don't know, I was homeschooled from 1st grade through 8th grade. I attended a typical suburban kindergarten in Colorado before my mom decided to pull me out and teach me at home for the next 8 years. We moved to Vermont during 6th grade where I was homeschool for the next two years until I attended "normal" high school from 9th through graduation.

I could probably write an entire book on homeschooling and my opinions on it. For now, I will just say that my past has definitely molded me into who I am now. The decision to homeschool may not be an easy one, and it's definitely not for everyone.

And no, I never wore a denim jumper.

But I was sportin' some sweet hair that could also double as a scarf:

Last week, Adam and I went to a MLB game with a couple of friends. As I walked into the stadium I had a sudden flashback to my first day of public high school. Certain memories will come back to me with sudden urgency that serve to remind me where I have been, and how far I have come.

Having no real exposure to the typical American middle schooler, I was not prepared for what was ahead on that hot August morning back in 199_. Instead, I had spent the summer prior to my freshman year in blissful ignorance while everyone else hung out with friends they had made in elementary and shopped for the coolest back-to-school clothes. So, for starters, my mom picked out my wardrobe for the day. I'm lying. She picked it out for the entire year, but the first day of school is always the most important, and since it was basically my first day EVER let's multiply that level of fashion importance by a factor of 10.

She couldn't have picked anything worse if she tried. I nervously walked into high school wearing a bright-as-sun yellow top with black denim (I just vomited in my mouth again) cut-off shorts, yellow socks, and black keds.

It honestly elevates my heart rate just to put those facts in black and white. Or should I say black and yellow?

As if it couldn't get much worse, she insisted I wear a baseball cap that was completely covered in purple sequins. Apparently the atrocity still exists because I googled it and found an exact replica for your viewing pleasure:

They are still available for $10 if anyone wants one. Any takers? Anyone? Anyone?

Once I crossed the threshold, I made a beeline for the bathroom and tore the glittery monster off my head. Seriously, it had the capacity to pass all moral bounds and it was sitting on my cranium. I'd rather wear a marquee that flashed "HERE COMES THE NEW GIRL" in blinking lights.





As I shoved Sparkles into my bag, I glanced up at the bathroom mirror and saw the most horrific hat hair one could imagine. Seriously. There was NO fixing it, so I was left to determine which would be worse? The hat hair, or the hat. Just then a group of girls my age came prancing into the bathroom, took one look at my hat hair and my hat, made a 180, and pranced out as they erupted into raucous laughter.





And it wasn't even 7:05am yet. What joy.





Surrendering to defeat, I shoved the hat back on my head as the first bell rang. Immediately after the bell, the principle came on the PA system to remind everyone that there would be a school wide assembly in the Gymnasium.





School wide.





SCHOOL WIDE.





Sparkles and I merged in with the crowd and headed for the gym. I heard a sprinkling of giggles from behind me and felt pretty certain that I wanted to die. As I entered the gym I felt my first panic attack of the day wash over me as I saw over 1,000 bodies moving about. I sat in the first open place in the bleachers I could get to and twinkled away under the fluorescent lights.





Try to imagine what it's like going from 8 years of school where the largest class consists of 1 student, to walking into a packed gymnasium wearing sequins. Yeah, I have that pained look on my face, too.





If you're wondering, the day didn't get any better. In fact, I ate lunch crouched down in front of my locker and felt another bead of sweat run down my forehead each time a teacher asked me to stand up and introduce myself. Add one panic attack for each teacher that said "Nice hat."





I went home that afternoon, and made Sparkles "disappear".





Did you know homeschoolers are master magicians?