Last week I was browsing Amazon and came across a work-out DVD called "The 30 Day Shred". It features three levels - beginner, intermediate, and advanced. Each workout is 20 minutes. I thought it would be a great idea for when I can't get to the gym don't want to go to the gym. Twenty Minutes. Really easy, I thought.
WRONG.
The DVD features Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser, and her 2 body twin minions who collectively weigh 140lbs. I pretty much hate all three of them. My arms hurt just typing this and I'm not even done with day 2. Jillian may seem nice enough, but when your face is so red -30 seconds into the work-out - it matches the Red Velvet Cake you'd rather be eating, you know you have problems. As Jillian started screaming "You can do it! Now is not the time to quit!!" I started crying for water and let a few four-letter words fly in her skinny-arsed direction. I didn't know it was possible to sweat so hard in a twenty minute time frame. I think I may have had a smallanxiety asthma attack somewhere between the first set of curls and the jumping jacks she puts you through.
Jillian on TV: Keep it up!!!! Only four more to go and you are NOT quitting now!
Me: SHUT UP You skinny tart! WATER! ADAM! I NEED WATER IN HERE!
(for the record, Adam laughed at me and said I could have water when I finished the set. Jerk. Who's side is he on anyway?!)
Jillian on TV: Just think how great you will feel when you have completed this work-out series!
Me: HOW :::PANT::: IS ::PANT:: SHE EVEN ::PANT:: Carrying ::pant pant:: on a con ::PANT PANT:: versation right now?!?!:GASP PANT PANT:: WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY TRACHEA IS ON FIRE GIVEMEWATERRIGHTNOW!!!
I collapsed on all fours at that point. I think I was five minutes in. Adam made sure to pause the work-out...I wouldn't want to skip a single second, now would I?
To be completely honest, I got a little scared during the warm-ups. THE WARM-UPS. When a warm up simulates competitive swimming, you know you're in trouble.
WRONG.
The DVD features Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser, and her 2 body twin minions who collectively weigh 140lbs. I pretty much hate all three of them. My arms hurt just typing this and I'm not even done with day 2. Jillian may seem nice enough, but when your face is so red -30 seconds into the work-out - it matches the Red Velvet Cake you'd rather be eating, you know you have problems. As Jillian started screaming "You can do it! Now is not the time to quit!!" I started crying for water and let a few four-letter words fly in her skinny-arsed direction. I didn't know it was possible to sweat so hard in a twenty minute time frame. I think I may have had a small
Jillian on TV: Keep it up!!!! Only four more to go and you are NOT quitting now!
Me: SHUT UP You skinny tart! WATER! ADAM! I NEED WATER IN HERE!
(for the record, Adam laughed at me and said I could have water when I finished the set. Jerk. Who's side is he on anyway?!)
Jillian on TV: Just think how great you will feel when you have completed this work-out series!
Me: HOW :::PANT::: IS ::PANT:: SHE EVEN ::PANT:: Carrying ::pant pant:: on a con ::PANT PANT:: versation right now?!?!:GASP PANT PANT:: WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY TRACHEA IS ON FIRE GIVEMEWATERRIGHTNOW!!!
I collapsed on all fours at that point. I think I was five minutes in. Adam made sure to pause the work-out...I wouldn't want to skip a single second, now would I?
To be completely honest, I got a little scared during the warm-ups. THE WARM-UPS. When a warm up simulates competitive swimming, you know you're in trouble.
The box cover declares that you can lose up to 20 pounds in 30 days. For the amount of misery I am in today, I think it should be 40lbs. Or I should have a written guarantee that Jillian herself will come out and train me if I don't lose the full 20. I may die first, though. I'm not sure yet.
After I completed the 20 minutes, I was crawling to the shower (if you think I am exaggerating, let me assure you that I am NOT) and trembling when Adam said "I think I'll do that with you tomorrow!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA ::BREATHES:: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Misery loves company. I can't wait for this.
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