Neglect

I got a phone call yesterday. One ring and then the caller hung up. A few minutes later, they called back. This time, they let it ring twice and then hung up. I pondered briefly who it might be and then went back to making mental lists of what needed to be done that day.

For the record, my list was something like this:

-dishes
-laundry, whites
-mop floors
-return that awful swimsuit to TJ Maxx...the one that makes me look spare-tire(ish)

Also, for the record, I did none of those things and chose to play pathwords on facebook and browse the MAC Cosmetics website instead. Has anyone been able to pull off their "deep blue green" pigment eye color? If you have, I'd love to see pictures. I'm thinking about taking that leap but would probably end up looking like a baby doll whore, and am not sure I want to rock that look at this point in my life.

Anyway...

After the 40th round of pathwords, my phone rang yet again and this time, I was ready. I hit the answer key faster than you can say "prank call" and shouted like a grumpy grandmother into the phone with: "HELLO!?!?!?!"

It was my blog, Prudence, calling, and she was not happy that I had been neglecting her lately. She said, in between sobs, that she was feeling neglected and alone. It has been a month since her last update and she was feeling inadequate. I told to her to go soak her head, that I was busy with pathwords, and that maybe we could talk tomorrow.

I then hung up on Prudence before she had the chance to hang up on me, once more, like the nasty little tart that she is. Prudence, you really need to lighten up.

I may have been neglecting the blog lately, but one thing that has NOT been neglected is my calorie consumption. After discovering a 3 ingredient recipe for Peanut Butter Cookies, I made six batches within a 4 day period and have basically turned myself into a walking jar of Skippy. I decided it was finally time to lay off the P.B. after my last shift at work, during which a nurse was bathing her patient while wearing an N-95 mask, and blurted out "does anyone else smell peanuts?"

You'd think I would wake up and face reality, but instead I baked a red velvet cake the next day.

Whatever. At least it was peanut free.

I spent the first two hours of today laying on the couch like a comatose obese grizzly bear. I knew I should be at the gym burning off some calories, but instead practiced procrastinating. If I could get paid for my procrastination skills, I would seriously be a millionaire. While finding any means necessary to put-off my work-out, I was texting back and forth with my sister (thumbs need exercising too). The dog then proceeded to crawl behind the couch and throw up his entire gastric contents onto the carpet.

What bliss.

There is nothing quite like spending your day off cleaning dog puke from your carpet while the dog prances around like he just deposited a gift in your face.

After Vomitus Cleanius 2009, I made my way to the gym where I managed to crank out 2.62 miles on the treadmill without collapsing and seizing on the floor.

Small victories.


I have no idea where I am going with this other than to say that maybe by blogging skills (if there ever were any) have likely gone out the window in the last thirty days.

Does peanut butter cause loss of IQ points?